Geologists from Stanford University recently made an astounding discovery. Drilling core samples in Palo Alto, a thousand feet below Sand Hill Road, they discovered the fossils of an ancient civilization. Their excitement grew as excavation revealed a Neanderthal community with complex tools, written language, and a primitive subscription economy.
A paleo-forensic team pieced together the daily life of one adult Neanderthal that lived there 40,000 years ago. They’ve published his narrative below, and titled their work the Tales of Groc, the Customer Success Caveman. Read Chapter 3 here.
Chapter 4: Industry Conference
There were a few events each year that Groc loved more than any others. One was the Summer Solstice, since StoneHenjj gave all employees two paid days off. Another was the opening day of saber-toothed tiger hunting season. Groc and his buddies from University of Boulder had a tradition of hunting all day up in the cold, blue mountains.
But these all fell short of Groc’s excitement leading up to Thump, the Customer Success conference that StoneHenjj attended every year. Thump brought together thousands of Neanderthals and Groc was always impressed by the variety of businesses they came from.
There were sessions for all sorts of professional development. Groc’s first year attending, he listened to the management team from Splintr deliver How to Set Fire to Product Adoption. Splintr was a consumer wood subscription service, and Groc was so inspired that he signed up for their base-level membership. He had since expanded his subscription twice, using wood to heat his home, cook his food, and boil water for acorn coffee.
Last year, Groc sat in on the session Lessons from Farming Potatoes at Scale. The presenter was one of his accounts who used Cart to transport potatoes. They highlighted processes they devised to turn small sprouts into robust and bountiful plants. Groc attended as a token gesture, but actually found the methodologies very relevant for expanding the long-term value of SMB customers. Groc now led StoneHenjj in driving upsell in the SMB segment of Cart subscribers.
Groc already plotted the sessions he wanted to attend this year. At the top of his list was the panel Partnering with Unicorns — Strategies for Growing the Relationship. The session abstract promised there would be multiple Unicorns on stage. Groc had never seen a Unicorn, so he was understandably excited.
Groc had several prospect meetings on his calendar at Thump. True, Groc was a CSM and not a Sales rep. But he had earned a reputation around StoneHenjj as one of their best CSMs, and he was occasionally brought into large, late-stage deals to show what kind of top-shelf resources the prospect would receive. Groc’s largest prospect meeting of the conference was with RabbitCash, a short-term lender who was trialing Cart as part of a rapid rabbit delivery system.
Not to be forgotten, Groc appreciated the networking possibilities at Thump. Two years ago, he was introduced to a cavewoman named Plab who worked for the barrel startup NuKegs. Groc recognized a lot of synergies with their Barrel and StoneHenjj’s Cart. A partnership developed, and the Barrel add-on was one of the premier enhancements to Cart Cavemaster. He even referred a few CSMs he met at Thump to work at StoneHenjj, and had earned himself a juicy referral bonus of 20 rabbits.
Groc’s anticipation grew in the weeks leading up to Thump. Eggs containing event updates and nurturing content were frequently dropped on Groc’s head by an organized network of eagles, ensuring he was well-informed of the event. Sometimes two or three eggs fell at a time, when the eagles were generous. It was all part of the wild experience, and Groc couldn’t wait.